marriage

Six Simple Steps to Finding a GREAT Couples Therapist

couples, marriage

Choosing a therapist can be daunting but it doesn’t have to be if you follow these six steps. Ask a trusted friend to ask their trusted friends on your behalf without sharing your identity. Don’t be afraid to admit you need help. Most couples end up seeking help at some point in their marriage. Use an on-line therapist directory such as www.goodtherapy.org or www.psychologytoday.com. Enter your zip code to begin searching for someone near you. Cast a wide net and search within a reasonable driving radius.   Read the profiles and listen to your gut. If a therapist seems interesting, go straight to their website and read everything they’ve written. Most therapists...

Dear Angry Husband

couples, marriage

I know that you have gotten a raw deal in life when it comes to the expression of emotions. I know that from as early as your toddler days you started to hear “man up!” And if you expressed vulnerable emotions such as hurt feelings, fear of rejection, feeling unloved or inferior, you were looked at as weak or pathetic. Of course when you saw women express these feelings people were understanding so you began to suspect that these sorts of feelings were feminine and certainly not masculine. You saw men who expressed these feelings become a target of ridicule so this reinforced what you already suspected. I know that...

Dear Clueless Husband,

marriage

I know you love your wife.  I know she’s the most important person in your life.  I even know that if she left, you would be lost.  Devastated even.  You are a good person with a good heart.  And this is precisely why I’m writing you this note.  Your wife is harboring secret thoughts she isn’t sharing with you.  I know this because I see women like your wife every day.  She’s lonely. She complains to me that you don’t pay attention to her.  That she feels emotionally disconnected from you.  That you spend too much time watching television or surfing on your iPad.    She keeps secretly wishing that you...

6 Steps to the Perfect Apology

couples, marriage

“I’m always the one who has to apologize.”  She says. “What?  You never apologize!  I can count on one hand how many times you’ve said you were sorry.  If anyone in this relationship apologizes it’s me,” he replies in indignation.  They are looking at one another as if the other were an alien living in an alternate reality.  Why?  Because they do live in separate realities and we don’t remember what was said.  We remember what we heard.  Write this down and post it on your fridge.  We don’t remember what was said, we remember what we heard.  That’s the only reality that matters.  So why doesn’t this couple have...